Note: This post contains cussing.

The post I wrote a couple of days ago, about wanting women to embrace their awesome, does not exist in a vacuum, and thank whatever you hold holy. Largely unbeknownst to me at the time, a Claim Your Awesome movement has exploded.

YES. It is about goddamn time.

Yesterday, I discovered Kate Harding's post on an encounter with a friend where they both accepted compliments without modesty, aware of how radical this was. Today I read synecdochic's post on modesty as a dirty word, which includes a number of other links, some of which celebrate women claiming their awesomeness, and others that criticise the movement as encouraging vanity.

But even unaware of these contributions, I did not write that post independent of other women. I had read Sady fucking Doyle claiming her incredible awesomeness in the face of a moronic fauxminist dude, and then noting that of course that she had received backlash for that. Women aren't supposed to acknowledge or revel in their own power, accomplishment and authority, or state that they are good at things without demurral or qualification.

What Sady wrote stuck in my head, and I noodled on it, and then my friend Sarah, of whom you have heard tell, pointed me to a post (which I won't link to because I don't think this person needs the possibility of the internet dumping on them) where someone bemoaned the state of women in fiction. The writer noted that there are very few fictional women who openly claim their awesomeness without being punished. I was nodding along, until the poster concluded (and I paraphrase) "and I think that's why I write men in my fic."

That's how badly the world let her down.

I sat up straight in my chair.

"WHAT?" I said, out loud. The sound of my voice in the empty house startled me, but I said it again, louder. "WHAT? That is IT. I have HAD ENOUGH."

And that is how I started writing that post, which I did in five minutes of finger flying fury, until it got to the part where, I knew, I would have to note my own awesomeness as an example to all.

Then I slowed right down.

This is how that paragraph looked originally - in my head, not on the screen. I remember it very clearly, because of the shame and anxiety that attached itself to saying, "I am great, and here's how".

I am Karen Healey and I am awesome. Today I helped out friends who needed help with moving even though I left before a lot of my friends and I feel bad about being so lazy. I came home and made a cake with a fantastic rum-chocolate ganache but the cake itself was pretty dry and I should have paid more attention to the recipe, I'm an idiot. I then sat on the couch and read a book instead of doing all the work I have lined up. I am very proud of my reading skills. They are excellent, and so am I when I am not lazy, dumb, prejudiced, boring, offensive, and scatty.

Patriarchy: in my brains, killing my awesome.

I know I was not alone in hesitating, in having to fight very hard against those qualifications, the dreaded "even thoughs" of "I am great BUT NOT THAT GREAT please don't think I am bragging I am sure most other people in the world are way greater than me please don't hate me for being such a boastful wench." I know several people had trouble posting on that thread, because they said so - and then they did it anyway, because they are AWESOME.

Saddest of all, I have seen people respond to the claiming of awesome movement by protesting that truly awesome people don't need to claim their awesomeness. Truly awesome people are so awesome that they can be humble.

Well, I am a truly awesome woman who does need to claim it. Because I need the reminder.

There is basically no chance that I will ever forget that I am not perfect, that I do many things badly, that I have made terrible decisions and failed at many goals. I don't need to practice humility; downplaying my achievements is my default state.

But, despite the, I say with no modesty whatsoever, overwhelming evidence in favour of my awesomeness, I forget that I am awesome all the time.

Long live the Claim Your Awesome movement! For as ayamizuno notes in the comments to my first post, "this many ladies knowing that they are awesome, and even saying it in front of other people, is the equivalent of dropkicking patriarchy in the face."

And that? Is awesome.