All of these have come up many times, but I am paraphrasing the examples:
- Sex is an inappropriate subject for young adult fiction.
- Sex without love is an inappropriate subject for young adult fiction.
- Sex without marriage is an inappropriate subject for young adult fiction.
- Sex between people who do not comprise one cisgendered man and one cisgendered woman is an inappropriate subject for young adult fiction.
- Sometimes a female character will dress in revealing clothing and that makes her a slut.
- Sometimes a character will be called a slut, but this is only appropriate if she has slept with more than [arbitrary number] of people.
- Sometimes a male character will be called a slut, which means it is okay to call the female characters sluts.
- If an unpleasant girl who dresses in attractive clothing makes a move on the main character's love interest and is later sexually assaulted, she deserves what she gets for being such a slut.
Which I think is inevitably revealing of the following totally bullshit real world attitudes:
- Teenagers should not have sex.
- Teenagers should not have sex unless they are in love.
- Teenagers should not have sex unless they are married.
- Teenagers should not have sex in any combination other than one cisgendered boy and one cisgendered girl.
- It is okay to call a girl who dresses in revealing clothing a slut.
- It is not okay to shame girls for having sex, unless they sleep with more than [arbitrary number] of people in which case it is okay to call them sluts.
- It is okay to call girls who sleep with a lot of people sluts if you also call boys who sleep with a lot of people sluts.
- If an unpleasant girl who dresses in attractive clothing and makes a move on someone else's love interest is sexually assaulted, she deserves what she gets and it's okay to call her a slut.
Internets, I have a really limited tolerance for bullshit.
This is what I think of teenagers and sex:
They should have it, whenever they want to, with whomever they want to, in whatever numbers they want to. Or not!
Adults have an obligation to teenagers to make sure they know what sex is, how it works, what might go wrong, and what might go right. Adults have an obligation to make sex as safe as possible for teenagers, and that involves free contraception and healthcare with an expectation of confidentiality. None of this stuff about teenagers having to get permission from their parents to buy contraception or acquire an abortion. That is bullshit! It is often helpful for teenagers to discuss sex and its possible consequences with their parents but it should not be mandatory.
Teenagers have an obligation to ensure that if they are having sex, it is consensually, and as safely as possible, with full awareness of the possible consequences. That includes paying attention to the laws of their area regarding legal ages of consent. Teenagers have an obligation to listen to their partner(s). They have an obligation to talk to their partner(s), as honestly and with as much disclosure as possible.
As a general rule, if you're not mature enough to handle discussing contraception and expectations about sex with a potential partner, you might not be mature enough to have sex.
But you might have it anyway. And that's okay.
What is not okay is shaming anyone else for having sex - or for not having sex. It is not okay to shame anyone, directly or indirectly, for having sex in combinations that are not one cisgendered boy and one cisgendered girl. It is not okay to call anyone a slut under any circumstances, no matter what they wear, who they make a move on, or how many people they have sex with. Having no sex with anyone at any point in your life is fine. Having consensual sex with one person for the rest of your life is fine. Having consensual sex with four people at the same time is fine. Having consensual sex with 103 people individually is fine.
Calling someone a slut (or, indeed, a prude) indicates that you think that they should feel ashamed for their consensual sexual behaviour, and that is not fine.
And if someone sexually assaults somebody, it is not the fault of the person who was assaulted. Ever. No matter what they are wearing, where they are walking, what they have been drinking, or who they have previously had sex with. Never, not ever, no buts, ifs or maybes, never their fault.
(I had sex for the first time as a teenager. It was consensual, discussed beforehand, slightly uncomfortable, and mostly awesome.)
This is what I think of sex and young adult fiction:
Some teenagers have sex, some do not. Some grow up informed and in a position to make good decisions, some do not. Some make decisions about when it is appropriate for them to have sex. Some change their minds. Some have decisions made for them about when it is appropriate to have sex; sometimes they are okay with that and sometimes they are really not. Some of them - far too many of them, where "far too many" is any number more than "zero" - are sexually assaulted, harassed, or shamed.
Young adult fiction writers write for and about teenagers. All of the above are appropriate topics for young adult fiction. Shaming teenagers in fiction written for and about them is totally inappropriate.
Those are my thoughts, internets. I have really had enough bullshit.
ETA: I am going to bed, and then to the beach for Easter weekend - I will screen comments and unscreen them whenever I get a chance to read.
ETA 2: Everything unscreened: comment at will. If you're new here, please read the userinfo and note The Rule.
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karenhealey- chocolate in the fruit bowl
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But one is never going to be educated and informed enough about someone else to be able to make those decisions on their behalf.
And I was well over twenty myself: the ideal is that it should be whenever you feel good about the decision, is my line!
For example, in Canada:
At 12 or 13 consent can be given if the older partner is no more than 2 years older (14 or 15).
At 14 and 15 consent can be given if the older partner is no more than 5 years older (19 or 20).
Which means education needs to happen at 12.
For example, my father was always very open to talking about sex and wanted us to be able to come to him with questions, or god forbid, if we got into trouble. Although he always explained sex in the birds & bees talk as "when two people love each other and get married". My mother, on the flip side, clearly did not feel comfortable talking about sex and it never came up. I lost my virginity to my best friend during a sleepover when I was 12. Neither of my parents likely would have been happy about this, but they never knew (and still don't).
My point being that what parents want often doesn't matter to teenagers and I think Karen makes a really good point about making sure kids are informed and provided with the tools to keep them safe and healthy. And when we're talking about writing realistic teen characters, this has to be taken into account.
Ultimately, how you feel personally about sex and how it relates to you and/or your children is going to shine through in how you depict your teen characters. And I think how you present teen sex is very personal to each individual, just like choosing your own sex life. But again, it should be an individual choice that each author makes and I don't think an author should have to be responsible for presenting a certain level of morality that they don't agree with (especially if it feels unrealistic to the characters) just because their audience is under the age of 18.
~T.S. (@teeess on twitter)
The thing is? The people whose works they like to have banned on the basis of arbitrarily decided "immorality" would be right there trying to get that book back on shelves.